Saw Bonnie "Prince" Billy tonight. He was thrilling and delightful, and raised his hand up, turning it over in the air. It was too good. I'm enjoying Cat Power and good beer, but I miss my friends, my closest friends, all around me. I miss my old house, my porch with our tea candles, and wine and cigarettes, and talking at late hours. I miss so much, I finally feel sort of like I've outgrown where I am, and it's too late to start over here, because I'm moving away so soon. And starting a new phase in life. I'm so resistant, I want to cling to what I remember, it's all cast in light and is so beautiful to me, the ghosts of my own life, even just a year ago, spooning ice cream, on the couch in my living room. Tea parties, dinners with wine, and wood floors. And the power lines with the sun setting behind them. I have to make a present for myself, and find a way to make it feel complete in itself. Why lately these lonely pangs? I feel so stereotypical. I just smile and smile, but I feel things drawing to a close, the town is feeling too small, and too unfamiliar, even after these five years. (five years!) I need solid ground to stand on, I guess. But it was a good night.